Yesterday I went to the arboretum with my mum and my nephew, T. He loved it. That child loves being outdoors, guess he comes by that honestly.
Two minutes into the place and he’d run off under a tree and wouldn’t come out, insisting that he was “hiding,” and for me and Nana to do the same. I wanted to keep going, there were peacocks everywhere and nowhere to sit, but Mama frowned at me and said, “what’s the hurry? let him sit under the tree for awhile.” Obviously, she was right, it’s not like there was somewhere we were supposed to be, we were already there. And T was in heaven, he was in the land of sticks and rocks!
We played hide and seek for ages, he’s at the age where that’s pretty much his favorite game, but I don’t think I’ve played it properly outdoors since I was a child. We told him that with his green shirt on he was pretty much invisible and veeery hard to spot.
Which was a lie, of course, he’s as easy to track as a herd of elephants, but it delighted him. I remember playing hide and seek once when I was about five and being the last one found. Everyone said it was because I was wearing a green pantsuit (what?! It was the seventies!) and they couldn’t see me but now I know they couldn’t find me because I was the youngest and they wanted to give me something, they wanted to give me just a little more time before adulthood intruded, and I had to play big people games and go by the real rules that reality imposes upon us all eventually.
It’s still one of my favorite memories. And playing with T yesterday there under the trees I realized that I was going to have to do the same for him but on a bigger scale, because the real rules to the games that big people play are shifting faster and faster and they’re stranger and harder to figure out than ever.
Here he is across from the waterfall (pictured at the top) that I insisted on trying to find, despite T’s insistence on crawling like a turtle for about fifteen minutes of our journey. (Did you know that turtles sound suspiciously like kittens? #themoreyouknow)
Anyway, from here on out I’m going to keep him a little more hidden. I will still write about him but and I may put up the occasional picture of him but you probably won’t see his face anymore and I’ve scrubbed his name from the site. I’ve got to try to keep him safe now, keep his little world little and real and honest. His 12th house (secrets and lies) is ruled by a planet maltreated by a malefic, so he’s probably safe from hidden enemies, but his 12th house ruler is also the significator of his fathers sister, and MY 12th house is PACKED.
I don’t like secrets, I like everything out in the open. And yes, part of me thinks this brand new world with no privacy in it might actually be the best thing to ever happen to any of us. What if having nowhere to hide led us to genuine real authenticity out of sheer desperation? But I’m not counting on it, and even if that does happen eventually we’ve still got a long long way to go. And it’s my job to keep my nephew safe until he’s ready to manage these minefields for himself.
Until then I’m just going to keep telling him he’s the best hide-and-seeker I ever met and that he’s safe, and nothing bad is ever going to happen to him, and I’m just going to keep believing that it’s true.