O V U M retrograde

Little Lonely did a masterful job on my make-up yesterday. I looked like a mash up between Elizabeth Taylor via Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf and Sheena Easton. Dreadful, really, but Lars liked it. We had a fun day on set shooting the first scenes of Ovum.

Here I am with Will, who made it easy to play a drunken sex crazed nut job. In a nice way. Seriously.

I was anxious about shooting this, my character is neurotic, masochistic, and wholly unstable. One of the reasons I really gave up acting is because it’s just too hard for me to go there without going there. I find it difficult to leave it behind and I’m a perfectionist. It makes it hard on a set or a stage because you have to move between extreme emotions and professional niceties in easy practiced strokes.

I’m a Capricorn. Bottling it up is easy, unleashing it takes a little more effort. And working with Lars sets all my control issues on edge. He writes fantastic, twisted, hilarious scripts, but rehearsals bore him and he doesn’t really care if we hit all his perfect words perfectly. He’s not interested in “good” films, he likes “bad” ones. He isn’t looking for perfection. He’s looking for something raw, rough, and awkward. Every scene he shot yesterday was done in one long wide angle take and we only got two chances. Working with him forces me to go against my instincts. I have to give up control, just release and surrender. You know, live. Lars, of course, is a Leo. I always tap into some raw life force collaborating with him. But it doesn’t come easy. I have to force it, and it’s a little scary.

So I was grateful to Will yesterday, because he grounded me. You can’t see it, but Will’s leg is pressed up against mine under the bar in this picture. One of the things you forget when you’re single for a long time is how important physical touch is, the effect it has on your heart. Well, you don’t forget, but touch isn’t something that lives in your mind, it can’t be remembered, it has to be experienced. Touch opens us up and binds us to one another and holds us fast to the moment.

So in between takes Will flirted with me and made me laugh and not take it all so seriously. And when he slapped me on camera and I had to go to a dark place and remember something I’d rather forget you know, for art, well, it helped that when I sat back down he was worried that the slap might have landed wrong and was I ok and finally, that his leg was pressed up against mine, reminding me to be here in the nowness of now.

You know yesterday when I said I was expecting to play out my shadow side on the set? Well, I got that part right, but it was only the half of it. The way the Venus conjunct Pluto conjunct my Sun transit really played out was that while I was pretending to be in a lovesick relationship with a man who was breaking my heart, I was actually on set with a solid sweetheart of a guy who was complimentary about my utterly mental makeup job, generally just really loving with me and also very easy on the eyes, ammirite, ladies?

Capricorn and Saturn are all about restriction and constraint. Or, as Rob Hand puts it, contemplation. But Venus could care less about any of that. Venus just wants contact. Immediate, real, true blue touch. The kind that makes you forget your own name or anyone else’s. She just wants to be loved. She never visits my Sun (the ruler of my 7th house of partnership and marriage) without reminding me of that and yesterday was no exception.

I was a little raw at the end of the day, to be honest. It was hard to open up to all of that only to come home to an apartment that I’ve only shared with bed bugs as of late. (Venus in Capricorn has a sick sense of humor) I complained about it to my BFF Michael and he totally ignored the complaint and said he was glad my Venus got to come out and play at all. Fucker. What does he know? He’s got a totally hot husband in his bed NOT bed bugs. Whatever. But he’s probably right, (don’t tell him I said so!) you can’t put Venus in the corner for too long. That girl was made to DANCE.

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