I am not operating at full capacity. I’m barely passing muster lately, if I’m honest with myself and I wonder what it would take for me to do something about it. What it will take, I should say. No, that’s not far enough, either, what it does take.
See? Even in my thoughts I falter. First just the idea of being “all that I can be” is purely conceptual, and then, once recognizing that, it becomes future tense, but truly, in order to activate, to “make it so,” surely it must be present tense, located firmly in the here and now.
I can’t knock the fact that I’ve been writing every day for the past two months or so, that in itself is quite a leap from the depths of inertia I’ve been battling most of my life, (especially considering all that I’ve been dealing with lately) but if I want to make any further shifts in my life than I’ll have to – well, I’ll have to make them.
Given that I started this whole exercise as a way of motivating my sluggish Mars, it seems like the thing I must do next, the activity to fold next into my daily routine, is physical activity. I mentioned a while back that I’ve been wanting to take up running, and it’s still in my mind, but given the U T T E R lack of physical energy I’ve exerted in well over a year, I suspect I’m a ways off from building up to a jog. So I’m just going to start walking. I’ve been an intermittent hiker, LA has some great hiking spots, but given how much I want to stick to writing every day and time constraints, I think I’d better stick to something nearer to my home.
Fortunately there’s a park right across the street from me. I’ve got my favorite yoga DVD too, and dang do I feel like I need a good stretch right now, but more than anything else I’m craving sunlight and trees and grass and the Great Outdoors. I need the interaction with my environment, the connection to place, to earth, to location. To time. To today.
I’m hungry for it. So I’m posting this sans a photo and when I come back in an hour I’ll post a picture of something I spotted whilst I was out there in the great big beyond.