I was 15 when After Hours came out, Martin Scorsese’s black comedy starring Griffin Dunne as a pathetic, unlikable everyman who suffers through one of the longest nights ever. I loved it, and it introduced me to Peggy Lee’s masterpiece, Is That All There Is, which immediately became my favorite song of all time and has yet to be replaced, really.
The fact that I picked that song at fifteen to be my theme song for life is bad enough, but the fact that I can’t seem to unpick it is possibly worse. The romance has worn off. I’m not sure if I watched After Hours now that I would really find it that funny. Ok, well, maybe I’d find it hilarious still. Come on, Terri Garr!! TERRI GARR!!!
But poor Griffin Dunne, after the night he has and then he just ends up back in his chair at the office the next morning like it never happened. When I was young that seemed, well, it seemed impossibly hilarious, like, what did that guy expect? He was terrible. And he kept making the same mistakes over and over and over and being mean and snide for no real reason to the absolutely worst people he could possibly pick to patronize. Nothing was going to change for him.
But now I’m not so sure. Now I think I might see a little more of myself in him. Not the being horrible and snide so much, but the making the same mistakes over and over again. The funny thing about being young is that you think what you feel is unique and special and you find ways to immortalize yourself, brand yourself inside, you set down deep grooves about what you are and how you are always going to be so that you can’t forget, when really the person creating those ways of being isn’t exactly the best judge of anything.
If I had it to do over again, I would NOT pick Is That All There Is for my theme song, I would pick something else. Something a little less knowing, a little less bored and detached. Something with room to grow.
Can you tell I’m going through my Uranus opposition? A Uranus opposition happens around forty years of age when Uranus opposes the point it resides in your natal chart. It corresponds to that moment in middle age when you try to work out if the person you are as an individual is the same one you discovered when you became an individual. The classic example is when business men buy sports cars and leave their wives for their secretary. I haven’t got a wife to project any failed adulthood onto, however, I’ve only got myself and my jaded adolescent ennui. That and Sisyphus, of course.
But Mars is heading straight for a conjunction to my natal Uranus in a couple weeks, and kicking off that Uranus Pluto Square, so I’m thinking that a.) I’m going to be careful with knives and heavy machinery and that b.) this might be as good a time as any to find a new theme song.
So heads up, World! Bring me a new tune, a new song to sing, a new way of singing. Admittedly, you’ve got your work cut out for you, this song is a classic for a reason and it won’t go down without a fight, but I’m rooting for you, World, because I really don’t want to sing this song anymore, and I don’t have the stomach to be an alcoholic. So BRING IT.