12th House: Occuppied

I am mortified.  I’m stuck inside this show and I can’t find my way out.  That bad feeling I mentioned earlier this week about this Mercury Retrograde is evidencing itself as the feeling I’ve got that I’m going to have to quit tv.  My addict self is screaming in pain and agony, but it’s looming.  It’s as bad as it’s ever been.  There are many ironies about the fact that it should be this show of all shows that would drive the point home, but I’ll settle for just one at the moment: this is a show about girls who carry dark secrets (12th house) and the more they carry those secrets the harder it is for them to be themselves.

I’ve been open about the fact that I’m a tv addict, but the truth is there is just NO way anyone could really believe how much tv I actually watch.  People say addict so lightly about tv watchers but you guys, it’s a real problem.  If there was a 12 step group I could join I would, but there isn’t.  Believe me, I’ve looked.

So I’ve got this dreadful feeling that this Mercury Retrograde might be as good a time as any to break myself of the habit.  Fuck.  It’s not a habit.  It’s an addiction.  I’m not sure what it’s going to look like and I’m sure as hell not starting tonight, but it’s coming.

Outing myself here, spilling the secret now is the first step.  Wish me luck!!

2 replies
  1. Frederick
    Frederick says:

    I believe you.

    The TV was removed from my house about five years ago — well, cable was disconnected, I still have a set to watch DVDs or stream content on.

    Also, I never ever E V A H have anything TV-related (film or whatever that I would watch on the set) turned on before 6PM. There is something so depressing about a television playing during the daytime, it’s like a real soul-killer for me — (this I believe is related to childhood, where my stepmom would play it 24/7 and it seemed the most aberrant thing in the world).

    ALSO, there ARE support groups for everything, for everyone. Even if you find them online — that is a key way to garner support. It keeps you to your aim. They work.

    I totally get where you are coming from and I do know that you are serious about how it is impacting your life. Look what your aim to write everyday has wrought — you can do the same with your television aim.

    Good luck. I’m pulling for you!



    • Wonder Bright
      Wonder Bright says:

      ah thank you for this, Frederick! I know it sounds insane, but all the articles about the nature of addiction floating around after Phillip Seymour Hoffman’s death combined with the particular show I found myself watching really coalesced into a violent repulsion around the whole thing. I really appreciate your understanding and support but most especially you taking it seriously at all. IT’S A PLAGUE!!!

      I don’t think I’ve ever paid for cable, but with everything online and me on my computer even if I’m NOT watching tv it’s a perfect storm. I definitely can’t blame my parents, we didn’t even have a tv until I was fourteen and my father just HATES it, but there’s something about it that just sucks me up like nothing else. I need story and escape, and I can get those from books but with tv you don’t even have to work for it. Once I was single it just snuck up on me like a glacier.

      But SHHHH don’t tell anyone, this is my third day in a row without it – well, I watched some of the Olympics coverage over at my brother’s house tonight, but that’s not the same thing, not even close.

      …time to pick up Edith Wharton again…

      Much love to you, Wonder B xoXo

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