Maybe it’s just Pluto sextiling my Mars or maybe it’s Mars squaring my Sun but lately everything is boiling down to put up or shut up with me. I passed this tag hiking the other day and the only thought in my head was Y E S. I’m teetering under the weight of it all, I’m not sure I can manage, I’m tired all the time and my doctor’s told me my adrenals are in real trouble, but I will deal with that, I will deal with all of it. I’ve got something to prove and I’m not even sure what “it” is exactly, but I fucking bloody well mean to do it.
Seriously. Any minute. Think about it. (no, not really, but this would have kept me up for days as a child!)
Chani and I got together recently to talk about the upcoming solar eclipse in Taurus. And then when we started to make the video we realized what we really needed to do was talk about eclipses as a phenomenon in more depth, to explore what they mean to us and how we see them working in our lives and in our clients lives, so we made a second video to do just that and here it is.
Eclipses are a potent time for us to make connections between who we dream of being and who we actually are, watch the video and find out why.
My girl Chani and I sat down Friday night to have a little chat about this month, because April is HOT HOT HOT. Truly, you guys, April is full of SERIOUS astrology. And Chani and I had some stuff to get off our chests because we are of the opinion that the only way out is through and we wanted to give you a heads up on how to deal with it.
We spend the first half talking a bit about the actual astronomical configurations that go into making this month one to remember but if you’re not interested in all that and you just want to know the skinny or the takeaway, then tune in around the 6:40 mark, ’cause that’s when we start to talk about what you can expect and how to frame the experience to get the most out of it.
Somewhere in there I mention that the Uranus Pluto Square forms for the last time next May, but it’s not May, it’s next March, so don’t worry, Precious Treasures, this revolutionary energy won’t last THAT much longer. We can do it.
And if you’re wondering why we call ourselves Saturn’s Bitches, it’s very simple. We swear like sailors, we’re stern and terribly hard on ourselves, we often wear black, we’re late bloomers, and most of all because we’re very very very serious, you guys. Seriously. Except when we’re not, but you might not know until Chani makes me start laughing and mess up the audio. Which is bound to happen at least once every time we shoot one of these damned things. It’s a shame, (more Saturn!) but it can’t be helped.
Peace out, my darlings! Good luck this month and may Saturn be with you! <3
There’s a bunch of billboards all over town for the return of Game of Thrones. They read ALL MEN MUST DIE in bold caps. It simultaneously makes me laugh and sends a shiver right through me. And it’s the perfect backdrop for the experience I’ve been having as Uranus, Jupiter, Mars, and Pluto all jockey into their positions around the zodiac, lining up around the wheel tightening the screws.
If all that sounds depressing and horrible, let me be clear: it’s not. Not for me, anyway. In fact, quite the reverse. I’ve actually been having a ridiculously amazing time. I know a lot of people are seriously going through it right now, what with one thing or another. Susan Miller, whom I love, has even said that “April is so scary I’m giving classes in it.” But although Pluto (he’s like the Darth Vadar of Astrologyland) has been transiting my Sun for over a year and I’m filled with enough apocalyptic scenarios to be able to direct you to a full page of posts about it, I’m actually just filled with such crazy hope and joy and life right now.
I’m a little reluctant to say why, because at the heart of what’s happening to me is something so private that I’ve actually been unable to write as freely as I normally do on my blog. But I feel like I can’t convey the message I want to now unless I say this, because it really is at the heart of it all. You guys, I met somebody! Or, rather, that Venus retrograde in Capricorn washed up a past lover on my shores and he’s just sort of stuck around. I know I should really be all cool and Capricorn about it and play it down, but MARS IS IN LIBRA you guys, in my NINTH HOUSE with MY MOOOOON and I have to tell you, I feel pretty damned certain that NOW IS NO TIME TO PLAY IT SAFE.
For realz. On the contrary, I think now is the perfect time to break free of all your past stories about who you are or what’s possible and ask for what you want. Boldly, fearlessly, and with passion. The trick is, as I said the other day, to do so without expectation.
Which is ultimately why I feel like it’s OK to reveal what’s happening with me right now. Because the key phrase in that last sentence was right now. As in, I’ve got no fucking clue what’s going to happen next week or next month or in a years time with this man. Or without him, for that matter.
You know what I do know? I know that I could die tomorrow. Seriously. There’s been a pile of earthquakes in California lately. The one last Friday took place across a fault line which threatens “vulnerable older buildings, many made of concrete, in downtown Los Angeles,” you know, like, where I live. No wonder that quake last Friday was the worst quake I’ve experienced in almost twenty years of living in California. It was fucking terrifying, no joke.
Sorry for all the expletives, but I’m feeling vehement about all this. Fucking vehement.
I noticed a hairline crack in the wall in my bathroom last night that wasn’t there before. A crack in a wall 12 stories up from the ground that was made last week when the earth moved beneath us. I don’t just feel fragile, I am fragile. We are all fragile.
Capricorns, as everybody knows, are notorious for needing to have control over things. And Pluto’s transit through Capricorn has been seen as a harbinger of a certain kind of maniacal extremism for that. Astrologers have been looking at everything from the NSA to the political unrest in middle east to describe the peculiar and potentially lethal “power run amok” experience that Pluto in Capricorn describes. You add Uranus transiting through Aries into the mix and suddenly you’ve got resistance to that power, you’ve got Occupy Wall Street and the Arab Spring.
But what if the deeper message here was about releasing the need to control things? What if it wasn’t about “fighting the man” or anything outside ourselves. What if we just stopped pretending we had any real control over things at all.
What would be possible then? What could we create if our acts of creation were less about defining who we were and more about asking? What would it look like if we loved someone because he showed us where we were vulnerable? What would it be like if being vulnerable wasn’t weak?
Because you know what? All men really must die. We’re all going to be six feet under soon enough.
There’s a marvelous piece by Stephen and Ondrea Levine that addresses this wonderful conundrum perfectly, I really cannot recommend the entire article enough, but they close with this:
If our only spiritual practice were to live as though we were already dead, relating to all we meet, to all we do as though it were our final moments in the world, what time would there be for old games or falsehoods or posturing? If we lived our life as though we were already dead, as though our children were already dead, how much time would there be for self-protection and the recreation of ancient mirages? Only love would be appropriate, only the truth.
This month offers wonderful opportunities to practice this across the board. Dates to watch out for are the two eclipses on April 15th and the 28th, and of course, the 22nd through the 24th when the Cardinal Cross is exact.
Wherever the chips may fall, just remember that with Mars going through Libra it’s never been more important to fight for love, to open ourselves, to make ourselves vulnerable and to embrace the strength that comes from expressing who we really are without expectation of approval or recognition. Give that to yourselves, Golden Hearts. Give that to those around you.
They might surprise you, and if they don’t, you can at the very least, surprise yourself.
Be bold. Be daring. Be loving and L I V E
In whatever way you come to me
in that way
shall I appear to you
I’ve got a lot of Libras on my hands right now either going through the ringer or just so damned hopped up on adrenaline they’re about to jump out of their skin. Not just Libra Suns, but Moons, Ascendents, and one poor dear with Venus in Libra in the 7th house. Of course, it’s this ruddy awful Mars retrograding in Libra that’s doing them in (well, that’s what I’m blaming it on, anyway).
I want to take a moment to chill with you, my darling darlings. Let’s take a deep breath together. I have some things I want to say to you.
You mad crazy romantic, you relentless optimist, you gorgeously generous lover, you are my favorite. SHHH DON’T TELL ANYONE.
I know, I know, you’ve over-extended yourself. AGAIN. You’ve bit off more than you can chew and no one seems to appreciate it. AGAIN. The people in your life are not doing what they’re supposed to be doing and they are not letting you help them, dammit. Worse, the people you count on the most are the ones most likely to irritate the bejesus out of you these days. Or maybe there’s just one person in your life who is super duper frustrating and all your powers of reconciliation and diplomacy are failing you somehow. wtf is up with that?!
Let’s take another deep breathe …In with the good air …and out with the bad.
Listen closely, Golden Hearts, because I’m going to tell you a secret and it’s a good one. And the best thing is, if you learn this now you won’t have to come back and learn it again later.
You’re a lover, not a fighter, but that doesn’t always work out so well for you, does it? Be honest, sometimes you compromise to the point where you don’t get a damned thing you really want and you just give it all up in the name of “peace” and “harmony.” The problem is, Libra, that when you compromise that much there’s no harmony, there’s just you holding the damned bag and the other person with all the candy. If you want real harmony, real peace, than you’ve got to be willing to put yourself on the line and say what you really want, name that thing that is really important to you and fucking ask for it.
The trick here is that you’ve got to do so without any expectation. And this is hard for you, because you listen so damned hard to others. You do your best to give them what they ask for, so to ask for something and not get it back is excruciating. But it isn’t their responsibility to make sure you get what you ask for any more than it’s yours to make sure they get what they ask for. You take that responsibility on because …well, because you’re a Libra and it’s just your nature, but make no mistake, just because you took on that responsibility doesn’t make it yours. You’re not a God, Libra (well, maybe a little bit to me, you sexy beast, but I’ve got a Libra Moon, I’m probably biased).
This period of time has to do with fighting for love, which is a.) an oxy moron, and b.) really really hard to do, because it means making yourself vulnerable and that’s just SCARY. It’s gonna take something. But let’s face it, Libra, if anyone can do it, it’s you. Here’s the deal, the planet Mars is bringing a fight to your door, but that restless angry energy tumbling around in you right now will release once you commit unconditionally to something you feel powerfully about and Libra is all about love and beauty.
This other person or people that you are confronted with right now are not the real enemy, Libra. The enemy is not outside you, it’s within you. This is hard to see, but once you’ve seen it, it’s unavoidable. It’s no good fighting for peace and harmony for both parties if both parties aren’t fighting for the same thing. If you find yourself in a situation where your needs are not being met don’t wait for the other person to magically get it. It may be obvious to you, but why would it be obvious to them if you haven’t said anything? Not everyone listens the way you do, honey. It’s special what you do, if everyone did it, it wouldn’t be special. Own that shit. Don’t wait for someone else to listen to you. You listen to you.
That Libra Venus in the 7th house I mentioned earlier just broke up with her boyfriend and lost a close girlfriend because she took a stand that her friend quit drinking. She’s suffering right now because she wants to only have mutually loving joyful feelings between herself and others, but her love has matured and she can’t support destructive behavior or partners that don’t give as much to her as she gives to them. She had to take a stand for the kind of love she believes in and these two people couldn’t meet her there. She’s sad, but she did the right thing.
She’s not feeling love from others right now and it’s painful, because she’s having to generate it all herself and right now her love is looking a lot like a giant NO and that doesn’t feel like love to her. But the truth is, it’s the best kind of love she can offer those two right now. Years ago I had to cut an alcoholic friend out of my life. I just couldn’t pretend to be OK with watching him destroy himself anymore, I loved him too much to help him write that story. It was really hard because he was profoundly hurt by it and there was no way to explain to him that I’d never loved him more than I did in the moment of saying goodbye. Sometimes loving someone means cutting them loose.
The trick here is to make yourself vulnerable. You’ve got to stop trying to be what other people want you to be, stop trying to be a “good” girl or boy. You’ve got to get all the way inside your own heart and be willing to listen. Libra is good at listening to others, you’re good at hearing what they want. Now you’ve got to listen for what you want and be willing to express it. And to do that you may have to risk losing something you value. But are false friendships or what people may think of you really more important to you than being yourself? Now is no time for blaming other people for your circumstances, Libra. Identify what you want and make a request or a demand. Be bold. Be generous. Be loving. Be fearless.
Be willing to lose.
This may sound strange, but I SWEAR it’s true: every single time I’ve broken my heart it’s just expanded in the end. It’s like a series of nesting dolls in reverse. You break the first one and you’ve actually got more room than before. Maybe at some point we can break the last one and just be free.
I’m game, Libra. Are you?
I was talking to a friend tonight about aspirations and not having any. It put me in mind of this scene from Say Anything, which is just a really good scene and makes me laugh and squirm and nod my head up and down repeatedly. I don’t know whether to feel sorry for Lloyd because he doesn’t know what he wants or jealous because he knows what he doesn’t. I definitely envy his clear youthful wisdom about the girl he loves and I’m jealous of Ione Sky’s character who knew enough to just accept his love like she deserved it or something. Those crazy kids.
I can’t help but feel they have a snowball’s chance in hell of actually making it, but you never know. Maybe they’re out there in the world where ever it is that imaginary people go when the movie is over with three kids and a mortgage and Lloyd stays at home and they’re just really really happy. I hope so.
This is my favorite tree in LA. It’s about forty minutes into my favorite hike and I like to sit there under the shade and enjoy the breeze if there is one, which there almost always is.
One day I was sitting there with my friend, Lisa, talking about my heart and how it was getting harder and harder to imagine really giving it to anyone again. There is a point, you know, when your heart has been broken so thoroughly that you pretty much have to just lock it up, turn off the lights, and hope anyone knocking assumes you’re not home. So I was saying as much to Lisa, who is the kind of friend who really listens even when she doesn’t agree with you. She looked at me quietly with her large limpid eyes and let me pour it all out to her.
I know she wanted to tell me not to give up, not to close up entirely, but before she could even get the words out of her mouth, this lovely older couple rounded the bend and asked if they could join us under the tree to enjoy the shade, as it was really hot that day.
They were immigrants, I’m not sure where from, but Eastern European seems about right. The husband’s English was better than his wife’s, and he was the talkative one of the two. He was so sweet with his wife, who walked with a cane and seemed to be slowing him down a bit, but he didn’t seem to mind at all.
He told us that this was also his favorite tree in Los Angeles. He said that he and his wife had been walking past it for years, and that it has survived several fires in the Hollywood hills. Once he pointed it out, it was obvious. The earth around it has been scorched in places and it’s missing some limbs. There are a few other trees on that hillside but most are funny charred little stumps. But this tree, this tree is still growing and green and providing shelter from the sun. It’s a survivor, he said. It just won’t die, it keeps coming back.
Lisa turned to look at me after they left, her eyes wide. “Can you believe that?” she asked. She put her hand on my arm for emphasis, “did you get that?” I was feeling sort of trembly, but trying to be all Capricorn and cool about it. I’m still trying to be all Capricorn and cool about it, to be honest, but facts are facts.
Sometimes the universe is right there when you need it, all you have to do is listen.
I took T back to the caves again today and took my camera along. I don’t have anything to add to that except that everyone should have a cave!! And an imagination!
I spent the evening catching up with an old beau on Skype. I told him a few days ago that we had to make sure we talked before Venus left Capricorn and he quipped, “Sweet Jesus! Is Venus leaving Capricorn? Did they try counseling first?!” Which made me laugh pretty hard, but still, I feel sure I was right. The timing couldn’t be more perfecter. Even the Moon agrees, entering Libra today. Revisiting relationships, full circle, round and round again.
How many times till you get it right? The correct answer is: as many as it takes, but I haven’t given that answer in quite some time. As bad as that tv show is I got stuck into lately, it’s been good for one thing, which is reminding me how I used to be about love when I was younger. Fearless, eager, curious. I used to rush pell-mell right into things, into people, into love. Falling wasn’t scary, it was exhilarating!
It was even better to be reminded of that by someone who knew me that way. Talking to this guy I used to know and remembering the girl I used to be and meeting him here and now in the middle was like going back in time to make things better in the present – only instead of ripping the time/space continuum I kinda feel like I sewed something up, healed it right through with a magic glue stick.
So this here’s a shout out to Venus in Capricorn. I was seriously mad at you when it started, Lady, but I gotta hand it to you now, I’m glad you put me through my paces. You brought me bed bugs but now my house is cleaner and more organized than it’s ever been. You reminded me I was lonely, but here you are now reminding me I know how not to be. I’m grateful. I’m grateful and I feel loved and the best part of all is that I think I always was, I just couldn’t feel it before somehow.
So thanks, Venus! I got it! Message received! (Seriously, you don’t need to send bed bugs again, I got it. Please don’t send them again)
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